Trade Deadline Fun: Who the Capitals Absolutely Shouldn't Trade For

It's the most wonderful time of the year! The trade deadline approaches, what joy, what fun! With all of the talk about who the Capitals should trade for, where is all of the postulation about who the team absolutely shouldn't trade for? I won't do any zany gifs here. I won't cite too many overly complex statistics or quote an expert on the finances of professional hockey clubs to prove a point about cap space. This probably isn't going to be a very informative piece, nor will you leave it feeling as if your hockey knowledge has been enriched. Nope, no one is home here, move along to the next house if that's what you're looking for.

For this most cynical task, I asked my friend Ben Eisenberg from Stars and Sticks to join my panel of two. I'll be the pre-death, smart-assed Joan Rivers to his not-quite-as-goth-anymore Kelly Osborne on some frivolously nasty fashion show or whatever. Without any further ado, here's a small list of four fellas we hope don't find a home in Northern Virginia or DC (because no one in their right mind actually chooses to live in Maryland, right?) any time soon:

Dubinsky, offtherecordsports.com, 2014.

 4. Brandon Dubinsky--Columbus Blue Jackets

Charles:  "Doobs" isn't necessarily a bad player, nor is he even truly a trade target this season.  In fact, his CF% has been north of 50%  on an average or worse Blue Jackets team. No, it's not necessarily the numbers he's put up that make him an undesirable, though he's never once been a 20+ goal scorer or even come close to 50 points in a season.  Dubinsky is also just really, really annoying when he's on the ice.  And I hate him.  This isn't to say he's a Brad Marchand-type, a somewhat skillful pest that gets under guys' skin so much that it sometimes creates an opportunity, but more so that he skirts around "playing heavy" and narrowly avoiding real trouble while not really contributing a whole lot outside of that realm.  Frankly, all said and done, I'd hate seeing this guy in a red sweater.  No Doobs. Not now.  Not ever.

Ben:  See, I'm torn about "Duber" because I actually like his playing style ("One of those guys you hate to play aGAINst but love to have as a teammate DOC!!") and he actually has some puck skills and does good puck possession things. He's actually a legit 2nd line center in my opinion. The thing is, he's going to cost almost $6 million against the cap for the next few years. Is that worth it for the Caps? After all, that would probably mean getting rid of a TEAM GUY like Brooks Laich and perhaps would mean losing Mike Green in the offseason without upgrading elsewhere on defense. Depending on the return I honestly might be on board with a Duber signing cause I don't hate him as a person the way Charles does. Would Columbus really trade him to a division rival, though?

Vermette, USA TODAY Sports Images, 2015.

3. Antoine Vermette--Arizona Coyotes

Charles:  Is the trade market really so desperate for centers that everyone can't stop talking about this guy?  Treat Antoine Vermette like a well-worn anti-drug campaign and JUST SAY NO. This is a bad deal in a saturated market and it's an even worse deal in an unsaturated one. His mediocre skill level on a...and let's be frank here...awful, awful team in Arizona is telling.  In fact it's telling me that he should stay in the desert and that everyone should shut the hell up about him because he's not very good on a not very good team and I don't want to experiment with how he'll be on a decent one. If the Capitals do trade for him, I hope it's for not much more than a 3rd rounder, 1 uncomfortably vengeful Capitals blog writer, and the Washington Post's Fancy Stats column. I can get behind that deal.

Ben:  Agreed, I really don't get the fascination with Vermette. We're talking about a 32-year old center who has topped 50 points just once in his career. His possession numbers are nothing special either, so what am I missing exactly? Kuznetsov is probably just as good of an option this year and almost certainly a better one in future years. I really hope that in the Caps' supposedly strong pursuit of Shane Doan they aren't also asking about Vermette. He's like Eric Fehr or something, except probably worse and would cost assets. Nope.

N/A, memegenerator.com

2. Lars Eller--Montreal Canadiens

Charles:  Lars is often considered a "Caps Killer" by many Capitals fans, as in he plays pretty well against the Capitals.  He's also considered a sniveling little scumbag.  By me.  He's just one of those guys that seems to always be just over the red line when he receives a pass, yet somehow never gets whistled for offside. Nearly every game he seems to forget that scouring the goalie with ice and snow is generally considered a douchey offense, because he does it at every opportunity.  In short, I'm not convinced he's a major upgrade from anything the Capitals would give up for him.  Oh yeah, and I hate him.

Ben:  My stance has always been: anytime a team in firm playoff position is trying to unload one of its own players, you gotta pull the trigger no questions asked! I mean, what does it say that a team in need of good forwards is trying to trade one of its starting forwards? That's a huge red flag. (Then again, they probably want him out of there because he doesn't have a french-sounding last name for all we know). The fact is, guys with decent possession stats but no hands are a dime a dozen at the deadline, and most of them won't leave you on the hook for their multi-million dollar contracts through 2018. Pass.

Bozak, Toronto Sun Files, 2013.

1.  Tyler Bozak

Charles:  If ever there were a name that creates darkness in the hearts and souls of Capitals fans, it is Tyler Bozak.  Bozak, simply put, is pretty good at the game of hockey.  He is not, however, $3.7 million good.  He's not even $1.7 million good.  He may not even be $.7 million good. After all of the lies and stupid proclamations Toronto's idiot coach and GM have made about Bozak being a 1st line center, to include giving him 1st line minutes consistently even though he didn't even come close to deserving them, one must conclude that not a single GM in the league would pay much for young Tyler.  One must not have been paying attention to the Washington Capitals for the past couple of years.  Almost more important to establishing GM Brian MacLellan as "Not George McPhee" than what moves he makes at this trade deadline is NOT making this move.  Leafs fans have been throwing jerseys onto the ice as of late.  If Bozak is signed for more than 2 Japers
 Rink commenters and a Capitals Social Media analyst, I'll BURN a jersey for every minute he plays (editors note: not really).

 Ben:  It's not so much that Bozak is a horrible hockey player - he's not. Actually, I think the media-frenzied market in Toronto is so ferocious in recent years that it's hard to separate noise from signal over Bozak, because the mainstream media guys seem to support him while the bloggers don't (shocking that they'd disagree on something, I know). Bozak, though, is neither great nor terrible. He can put up 50 points or so, which is nice. What he can't do is play defense, which is kind of important for a top-six center if he's going to matchup against the powers of the NHL. Both on video and in corsi-against, he's atrocious in his own end. And for $4.2 million per year through 2018, I want no part of it, let alone giving up significant assets to make it happen. We know how Trotz feels about offense-only guys anyway, and it's probably the same way he feels about wearing bright-colored clothing - "not for me I'll take good ole' plain blue and white thanks!" I'd be shocked if Bozak came anywhere near the Caps.


What are some of your thoughts and ideas regarding definite no-trades? I bet some of you hate Jagr, right?  Tell me about it on Twitter @cpinto001 or leave a comment below.